OK, if you've met me even once, please stop laughing.

It's true. I talk too much. Sometimes I have good things to say. Sometimes I ramble on and on. Always, I speak. I'm not an introverted person anymore (only those who really know me well can imagine that I once was), and I'm not particularly self-conscious anymore. I know who I am. I don't mind speaking. I do mind looking foolish, but it doesn't often stop me from saying what I think anyway. (And it gives my friends a good laugh regularly....)

The thing is, sometimes I speak because I don't want to forget my thought or my point in a conversation. Sometimes I speak because I really think people need to hear what I have to say. But always I speak because there is a thought in my head. If it's in my head, it most often comes out of my mouth, especially when surrounded by people around whom I feel safe.

I tend to think a LOT. About EVERYTHING. And so I talk TOO MUCH.

There are seasons where I all of a sudden notice that I'm talking too much. I seem to interrupt everyone and for some reason feel the need to express my opinion or advice about everything and to everyone. Even as I write this I hope I'm not as annoying as I'm starting to sound even to myself!

Regardless of the depth of the potential reality of that last fact, what grieves me more is that I'm finding an overflow of my "talking too much" in my friendship with God in this season. It has happened before, that moment where I realize that down time - quiet "sit at His feet and rest in just being with Him" time has been thin - and I miss it terribly. Ministry is there in spades. Time with people is there in abundance. But the quiet time that it takes to come down from being "on" all the time - that quiet time that for me has to come before I'm ready to both cease talking and to listen - has not been enough. It's true that it's been missing for good and enjoyable reasons, but it's still been missing. And so when I spend time with the beautiful Saviour, I am talking, or working at worshipping, or something else, instead of enjoying Him, relaxing, listening.

I find when the time to listen wanes, so does prophecy. So does listening prayer. So does the ability to hear even a "left" or "right" when asking for direction, let alone asking for vision for our congregation or for God's will in my life. My faith for answered prayer starts to weaken, because I haven't heard from Him what to pray for or how to ask it of Him.

Wow. All because I talk too much. And perhaps because I often DO too much in general. That's a high price to pay. Too high.

So tonight I am staying at home. And after I finish this blog (you'd think it would be shorter - a blog about how I should talk less!), I'm going to stop talking and rest. And maybe after I've rested for a good long while....

I'll listen.