I've decided I want to be more like Jesus.

Not a new decision, nor an original one. I got thinking today about Jesus on the cross and all the torture and shame and even physical pain he endured wordlessly. And he not only forgave, but asked for mercy from the Father for His murderers. I sometimes have trouble forgiving when someone sends me an e-mail that hurts my feelings.

Actually, that's only partly true. I can easily forgive someone when they ask for forgiveness - I have no problem with that. It's when people don't ask or see the need to ask that I find it hard to let go of what happened or what was said. Why is that?

Last night I was supposed to hook up with a friend of mine for dinner and to run an errand. He said he'd call through the day, but when the clock hit 4:00pm I started to wonder. Then 4:30, 5:00, 5:30..... And to be honest by 6:00 I was both hungry and getting a little ticked off. By 6:30 it finally occurred to me that something bad might have happened to him, so instead of being ticked off I changed to worried, called some friends who live in his building, who confirmed he probably just forgot, and went back to a little ticked off (though relieved that nothing had happened). At 7:00 when someone else phoned with an offer for the evening, I went out with them instead (having eaten for my dinner part of the loaf of bread that I thoughtfully baked for him and his roommates - hope he doesn't read this, because I didn't feel it necessary to rub that in last night to make him feel bad.....). He did finally phone at 8:00, and was profuse in his apologies (and had an excuse). So after being ticked off for, well, let's be honest, about four hours, I instantly forgave him. No sweat - done! But I know myself and know that if his end of the conversation had been different, I imagine so would my reaction have been.

I want to be more like Jesus.

I want to be able to forgive people when they do thoughtless things. I want to be able to forgive people when they do deliberately hurtful things. I want to be able to forgive people when they don't ask for or even want my forgiveness. I want to be so full of love for others and so emptied of my own self-importance that it doesn't even occur to me to be upset when situations like last night happen.

More of Jesus. Less of me. Hopefully someday soon. Until then, lessons are learned every day.....


"He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30