FROM: Banbury, Oxfordshire, United Kingdom
ABOUT ME: Living the highs and lows of life in the adventurous pursuit of God Himself and of who I'm meant to be as the Bride of Christ.
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Saturday, December 20, 2008,8:20 a.m.
I AM AN ARTIST (I THINK)
I was just browsing through my friend Phil Laeger's blog, and while listening to a cool a cappella rendition of a Sting song, I noticed his links on the right of his site. Actually, I noticed his "Blog Roll" and his "Artists" links, and was reminded that Phil puts me under the heading "Artist" instead of in the list of blogs that he frequents.
That got me thinking - I am an artist. I am a worshipper, but I was given artistic talents - specifically music, but probably others as well - with which to bring pleasure to God and with which to call God's people to worship Him. I use my music to lead worship. I teach others about worship, and most often also teach them to use their musical gifts in worship and to lead worship.
I am also a songwriter.
So here's a philosophical question: If a songwriter writes music and rarely shares it with anyone outside of a very small, select group of friends (and doesn't always remember to do that), is their songwriting really of any use as a ministry and as a worship tool? My songs bring pleasure to God and express my heart to Him - fair enough. But the catch is that God has also exhorted me to be sharing my songs - to build up the Body of Christ with the gifts He has given me. We are all called to use our gifts to worship. But we are also all called to use our gifts to build up and encourage one another. I have read that countless times in the last few months in the New Testament. And seeing my name on an "Artists" listing is what it took to drive that home this time.
What holds me back? Pride. Pride that looks like insecurity and shyness. Pride that doesn't want people to think I'm pushing myself forward to try to show how "great" I am every time I want to sing for them a song I recently wrote. Pride that is afraid of people not showering me with praise for the work of my hands and heart. It is all natural. And it is still pride.
It is a little frightening to write all of this, because after saying it all I will now, of course, have to push myself to write more and (specifically) share my songs more with others, whether I think them good or .... not so good. I will have to place my trust in my identity and my worth in what God thinks of my songs, and simply pray that He uses them to minister and to encourage. That's a big deal to me - rejecting the power that others falsely have to define my worth and value. It's been a constant theme in the last year. And it is not an easy journey. But it's important.
I literally, as I write that last line, desire to fly freely as the person whom God created me to be. It frustrates me that we, as God's chosen people, have each of us become so bound up that it is difficult to even see the lies that hold us chained. I want them broken. I want to be so free of bondage that I fly up into the air like a helium balloon - unrestrained, designed to defy even gravity.
Perhaps the creative imagery that is starting to be evoked is part of the "artist" side of me. Good. Let it fly, Lord - and be glorified.
Too hard have I chased the wind
I want to run where You run
Too long have I thirsted
I want to run where You run
I want to fly at Your side
I want to dance with You every step
Just to be with You
Just to be with You
I want to see what You see
I want to sing Your love song
I want to sit by You every moment
Just to be with You
Just to be with You
Karyn Baker (2008)
That got me thinking - I am an artist. I am a worshipper, but I was given artistic talents - specifically music, but probably others as well - with which to bring pleasure to God and with which to call God's people to worship Him. I use my music to lead worship. I teach others about worship, and most often also teach them to use their musical gifts in worship and to lead worship.
I am also a songwriter.
So here's a philosophical question: If a songwriter writes music and rarely shares it with anyone outside of a very small, select group of friends (and doesn't always remember to do that), is their songwriting really of any use as a ministry and as a worship tool? My songs bring pleasure to God and express my heart to Him - fair enough. But the catch is that God has also exhorted me to be sharing my songs - to build up the Body of Christ with the gifts He has given me. We are all called to use our gifts to worship. But we are also all called to use our gifts to build up and encourage one another. I have read that countless times in the last few months in the New Testament. And seeing my name on an "Artists" listing is what it took to drive that home this time.
What holds me back? Pride. Pride that looks like insecurity and shyness. Pride that doesn't want people to think I'm pushing myself forward to try to show how "great" I am every time I want to sing for them a song I recently wrote. Pride that is afraid of people not showering me with praise for the work of my hands and heart. It is all natural. And it is still pride.
It is a little frightening to write all of this, because after saying it all I will now, of course, have to push myself to write more and (specifically) share my songs more with others, whether I think them good or .... not so good. I will have to place my trust in my identity and my worth in what God thinks of my songs, and simply pray that He uses them to minister and to encourage. That's a big deal to me - rejecting the power that others falsely have to define my worth and value. It's been a constant theme in the last year. And it is not an easy journey. But it's important.
I literally, as I write that last line, desire to fly freely as the person whom God created me to be. It frustrates me that we, as God's chosen people, have each of us become so bound up that it is difficult to even see the lies that hold us chained. I want them broken. I want to be so free of bondage that I fly up into the air like a helium balloon - unrestrained, designed to defy even gravity.
Perhaps the creative imagery that is starting to be evoked is part of the "artist" side of me. Good. Let it fly, Lord - and be glorified.
Too long have I wandered
Too far have I journeyed from You
And I'm not satisfied
I am empty inside
Too hard have I chased the wind
Too long have my eyes been from You
And I'm hungry for more
I am desperate to soar
I want to run where You run
I want to fly at Your side
I want to dance with You every step
Just to be with You
Just to be with You
I want to see what You see
I want to sing Your love song
I want to sit by You every moment
Just to be with You
Just to be with You
Too long have I thirsted
Too long digging wells without water
And my spirit is dry
But I know You will satisfy
I want to run where You run
I want to fly at Your side
I want to dance with You every step
Just to be with You
Just to be with You
I want to see what You see
I want to sing Your love song
I want to sit by You every moment
Just to be with You
Just to be with You
Karyn Baker (2008)
