THE WARNING: This blog is going to be on the long side of things, but WELL worth the read!

THE INVITATION: To all the men out there, especially single men, you're invited to read this. Gents, if you have ever wanted to know what women are really looking for in men, this is an EXCELLENT start! I don't tend to like generalizations, but let's just say that I've met many women in my day (besides being one! hello!) and I have never met ONE who hasn't said that this is exactly what she wants in a husband. I'll take that one step further and say that we're all totally good with you practicing this on us as sisters, too! I just thought I'd give you the heads up.

Ladies, read to the end, there's a paragraph there to encourage us to move forward in the same concept. And if you agree, by the way, with what this passage says about what we're looking for in our men, a little "amen" in the comments section to spur on our brothers, husbands, boyfriends and potentials would be great! (Because I really can't believe that this book was written for just me!)

(By the way, I'm not saying that the traits talked about below are completely absent from all the men I have met. I am not man-bashing nor saying that no man does these things. Nor am I saying that woman are not partly to blame for the times that these character traits are not existent. Broken women don't always allow men to exude this kind of strength for them; broken men often don't try. We all have work to do and healing to receive.)

THE BLOG: Taken from chapter eight of Captivating, a book about the woman's heart by John and Stasi Eldredge (Stasi is the speaker in this passage). Yes, it's written to women, but just so that intro doesn't turn the guys off, it IS intended to be a book read by both men and women (just think of it as being a fly on the wall, guys!). (John Eldredge is also the fellow who wrote Wild At Heart, a book for men that probably every woman should read.)


The essence of a man in Strength. A man is meant to be the incarnation - our experience in human form - of our Warrior God. A God who comes through for us.

Who is this who comes from Edom,
from Bozrah, with His garments stained crimson?
Who is this, robed in splendor,
striding forward in the greatness of His strength?
"It is I, speaking in righteousness,
mighty to save." (Isaiah 63:1)

Isn't this what makes our hearts beat more quickly, our knees weak when we watch Daniel Day Lewis in The Last of the Mohicans, William Wallace in Braveheart, Aragorn in The Lord of the Rings, or Harrison Ford in nearly any of his movies? Isn't that what we, as women, long to experience from our man, and from the men in our lives?

To experience the strength of a man is to have him speak on our behalf. For when men abuse with words, we are pierced. Their strength has wounded us. When they are silent, we are starved. They have offered no strength; they have abandoned us. But when they speak with us, hear us, offer their words to us and on our behalf, something in our hearts is able to rest. "How are you?" is one of the simplest and most loving questions John ever asks me.

We long for the protection masculine strength offers. To have them shield us from physical harm, yes. But also to have them shield us from emotional harm and spiritual attack. To intercede for us in a relationship which has become hurtful. A friend was being verbally abused and manipulated by her mother over the phone, repeatedly. Finally, one night her husband took the phone and spoke to her mother. "You cannot talk to my wife this way. I will not allow it. You may not call again until you are ready to be kind." He did for her what she was, at that time, unable to do for herself. And she was so grateful.

As women we long for someone strong to stand between us and the vicious assaults of our Enemy. One weary night I had gone to bed early, overcome with a sense of despair and hopelessness. I felt pounded down, beyond saving, and worthy of condemnation. I lay still, engulfed in grief. Suddenly, John was at my bedside. He was angry, but not at me. John recognized the hand of our Enemy. He began to take his authority over me as my husband and forcefully commanded the minions of Satan to release me; he commanded them to be silent, and he sent them to the throne of Jesus for judgment. When he began to pray for me, I was embarrassed. When he continued, I began to feel lighter. When he finished, tears were streaming down my face and my hands were raised to God in holy gratitude and joyful worship. I had gone to bed filled with unrelenting sorrow. I ended the night belting out heartfelt songs of praise.

Strength is what the world longs to experience from a man.

Now - isn't it obvious that we don't mean big muscles?

Of course. A man might like to work out at the gym, but if he is only physically strong, he is a hollow man. Are we satisfied as a woman with that kind of man? On the other hand, our man might prefer to read or play an instrument. Does that in any way diminish the strength of his soul? Not at all. The strength of a man is first a soulish strength - a strength of heart. And yes, as he lives is out, owns it, inhabits his strength, he does become more handsome. More attractive. As the fruit of an inner reality.

So then you can see that when we speak about the essence of a woman - her beauty - we don't mean "the perfect figure." The beauty of a woman is first a soulish beauty. We know - it's a harder jump to make. We've lived so long under the pressure to be beautiful. But stay with the thought for a moment, because it will really help. The beauty of a woman is first a soulful beauty. And yes, as we live it out, own it, inhabit our beauty, we do become more lovely. More alluring. As the poet Gerard Manley Hopkins wrote, "Self flashes of frame and face." Our true self becomes reflected in our appearance. But it flows from the inside out.