FROM: Banbury, Oxfordshire, United Kingdom
ABOUT ME: Living the highs and lows of life in the adventurous pursuit of God Himself and of who I'm meant to be as the Bride of Christ.
(View complete profile)
Monday, February 26, 2007,7:02 p.m.
TRUTH
Last night at our church meeting we were studying John 18. There were lots of things mentioned, and I'm sure one or two main points, but the one that stuck out to me the most was a question: Are you seeking the truth?
As I read the comments that have been left here for the last few weeks, I find that there are many different people reading this blog.
There are those who are seeking the truth. To you I say the immortal words: Seek and you will find. Pursue truth. Face it. Stare at it. Let it refine you and mold you. Love it. Grasp it. Know it. Feed off of it.
There are those who have already heard the truth and need to hear it again. To you I say: Keep fighting the lies. Keep your chin up and run forwards towards the prize of Jesus Christ. Recite the truth daily. Go deep and find more truth. May your foundations be strengthened.
There are those who have heard the truth, rejected it, and are looking for a different truth - one that is more palatable for them. To you I say: Turn around and face the Saviour. Stop running. Stop accepting the excuses that you find yourself using and instead dive in to the love of the truth of God. Don't be afraid. Avoiding the truth will only leave you continually in that circular motion that leads nowhere except further away from the light of Jesus' face and the beautiful truth that is for your life.
And I fear that there are those who think that this blog (and perhaps its writer) contain the truth. To this I must respond with a harsh reality and a desire to share that reality in great love. It is this: I am not that truth. I have never been the truth. I am not the key that will unlock the chains of pain and loneliness that you have been experiencing. I am not your saviour. I am not your answer. I am only meant to be a signpost - a pointer towards the place where your truth, your healing and your wholeness are to be found. Not even always a shepherd, but just another sheep who can share where she has found some green pastures from which to find nourishment. Please - I feel I am begging, but I cannot do less - protect the glory of the Father. Do not allow what is rightfully His - the reliance and faith of which He alone is worthy - to be replaced by something or someone that is tangible in the moment. I will not always be here. I will fail. He will always be here. He will never fail. He is not only the author of all the truth that you need, but He Himself is the truth. And the way. And your life. What you are seeking here or in other places can only be found in Him. Face the Truth. Face the Saviour. Face Him. Do not be afraid.
If you are someone who regularly leaves comments, thank-you. But you will notice that there is no place to comment on this particular blog. That is not an accident, nor is it permanent, but for tonight I want anyone who reads this to stop for a moment and ask the Lord for their own truth. Who are you in this? Are you a seeker of truth? Have you forgotten where the only truth is found? Perhaps none of these is you and something different still fits.
Whatever it is, seek the truth. Glorify the Father. And be blessed with where Truth will lead you.
As I read the comments that have been left here for the last few weeks, I find that there are many different people reading this blog.
There are those who are seeking the truth. To you I say the immortal words: Seek and you will find. Pursue truth. Face it. Stare at it. Let it refine you and mold you. Love it. Grasp it. Know it. Feed off of it.
There are those who have already heard the truth and need to hear it again. To you I say: Keep fighting the lies. Keep your chin up and run forwards towards the prize of Jesus Christ. Recite the truth daily. Go deep and find more truth. May your foundations be strengthened.
There are those who have heard the truth, rejected it, and are looking for a different truth - one that is more palatable for them. To you I say: Turn around and face the Saviour. Stop running. Stop accepting the excuses that you find yourself using and instead dive in to the love of the truth of God. Don't be afraid. Avoiding the truth will only leave you continually in that circular motion that leads nowhere except further away from the light of Jesus' face and the beautiful truth that is for your life.
And I fear that there are those who think that this blog (and perhaps its writer) contain the truth. To this I must respond with a harsh reality and a desire to share that reality in great love. It is this: I am not that truth. I have never been the truth. I am not the key that will unlock the chains of pain and loneliness that you have been experiencing. I am not your saviour. I am not your answer. I am only meant to be a signpost - a pointer towards the place where your truth, your healing and your wholeness are to be found. Not even always a shepherd, but just another sheep who can share where she has found some green pastures from which to find nourishment. Please - I feel I am begging, but I cannot do less - protect the glory of the Father. Do not allow what is rightfully His - the reliance and faith of which He alone is worthy - to be replaced by something or someone that is tangible in the moment. I will not always be here. I will fail. He will always be here. He will never fail. He is not only the author of all the truth that you need, but He Himself is the truth. And the way. And your life. What you are seeking here or in other places can only be found in Him. Face the Truth. Face the Saviour. Face Him. Do not be afraid.
If you are someone who regularly leaves comments, thank-you. But you will notice that there is no place to comment on this particular blog. That is not an accident, nor is it permanent, but for tonight I want anyone who reads this to stop for a moment and ask the Lord for their own truth. Who are you in this? Are you a seeker of truth? Have you forgotten where the only truth is found? Perhaps none of these is you and something different still fits.
Whatever it is, seek the truth. Glorify the Father. And be blessed with where Truth will lead you.
Sunday, February 18, 2007,11:27 a.m.
LOVE NEVER FAILS.....OR DOES IT?
I was just reading on my friend Nicole Brindle's blog, and she says, "Love, it never fails, does it." I know that she is not asking a question but rather either stating a fact or relating an experience.
We have a wonderful friend who, based on the passage in 1 Corinthians 13, regularly says, "We wage war with love, because love never fails." Obviously he is talking about God's love - the love that is always constant, always available, and always unconditional.
I want to love like that, but I have been noticing in the last year or so, as I intentionally attempt to love like Jesus, that I fail quite regularly and sometimes quite miserably. I have a friend whom I dearly love, and for whom I believe God has given me some extra measure of grace and faithfulness that would in a prophetic and tangible way for my friend be a reminder and reflection of God's love for him.
The problems arise because he is still a wounded human being, and doesn't love me back the same way. I get hurt. It's not the hurt that is ungodly - God is hurt when we turn our back from Him. There is one point in Genesis where God actually rues that He ever made mankind. That's got to be some pretty intense hurt that He is experiencing to say that. No, the problem for me comes when I react to the hurt that I've received, because I don't always react in a Godly way. I sometimes get angry - not a sin in itself, but I have an active mouth when I'm angry, so ...... Sometimes I pull back, and don't want to give my heart and my love to this friend anymore. I want to protect myself, because getting hurt is painful. Not a sin, perhaps, but neither, as I think about it, is it the way that God pursues us. I worry that my pursuit of a deep friendship and my desire to pour out love on this friend will leave me open to ridicule and misperception, so sometimes I second-guess my actions or words and they are left undone or unsaid. All in all, my desire to reflect God's unconditional love is falling terribly short. My love is failing.
God is obviously not like that. He pursues us each so hard that He gave up His life just to potentially be able to be in relationship with us. Would I die for my friend? Yes. That's the easy part, at least in theory. Would I walk through piercing arrow and after piercing arrow that he himself sends my way just to protect the painful areas in his own life? I'm trying. It's difficult, because those arrows leave marks in me when they come.
It has been an eye-opening experience for the last couple of years, as I recognize more of the wounds in my friend that cause him to have huge walls up against any kind of intimate friendship, and also as I realize that I myself am not so whole as I might have thought. Jesus, we both need more of You in every way.
My friend Nicole is right - and it's a good thing, too - Love never fails. God is Love. He never fails.
It's not just comfort. It's also hope.
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..... (1 Corinthians 13:1-8a)
We have a wonderful friend who, based on the passage in 1 Corinthians 13, regularly says, "We wage war with love, because love never fails." Obviously he is talking about God's love - the love that is always constant, always available, and always unconditional.
I want to love like that, but I have been noticing in the last year or so, as I intentionally attempt to love like Jesus, that I fail quite regularly and sometimes quite miserably. I have a friend whom I dearly love, and for whom I believe God has given me some extra measure of grace and faithfulness that would in a prophetic and tangible way for my friend be a reminder and reflection of God's love for him.
The problems arise because he is still a wounded human being, and doesn't love me back the same way. I get hurt. It's not the hurt that is ungodly - God is hurt when we turn our back from Him. There is one point in Genesis where God actually rues that He ever made mankind. That's got to be some pretty intense hurt that He is experiencing to say that. No, the problem for me comes when I react to the hurt that I've received, because I don't always react in a Godly way. I sometimes get angry - not a sin in itself, but I have an active mouth when I'm angry, so ...... Sometimes I pull back, and don't want to give my heart and my love to this friend anymore. I want to protect myself, because getting hurt is painful. Not a sin, perhaps, but neither, as I think about it, is it the way that God pursues us. I worry that my pursuit of a deep friendship and my desire to pour out love on this friend will leave me open to ridicule and misperception, so sometimes I second-guess my actions or words and they are left undone or unsaid. All in all, my desire to reflect God's unconditional love is falling terribly short. My love is failing.
God is obviously not like that. He pursues us each so hard that He gave up His life just to potentially be able to be in relationship with us. Would I die for my friend? Yes. That's the easy part, at least in theory. Would I walk through piercing arrow and after piercing arrow that he himself sends my way just to protect the painful areas in his own life? I'm trying. It's difficult, because those arrows leave marks in me when they come.
It has been an eye-opening experience for the last couple of years, as I recognize more of the wounds in my friend that cause him to have huge walls up against any kind of intimate friendship, and also as I realize that I myself am not so whole as I might have thought. Jesus, we both need more of You in every way.
My friend Nicole is right - and it's a good thing, too - Love never fails. God is Love. He never fails.
It's not just comfort. It's also hope.
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..... (1 Corinthians 13:1-8a)
Friday, February 16, 2007,7:27 p.m.
MESSY APARTMENTS AND HEALING
Tonight, my apartment is a mess. While some people in my life think that it is impossible for this to be the case, it is, in fact, true. (REALLY true.)
You see, my place is always crisp and perfectly clean when other people come over. Always. It's become a joke amongst my friends that my place is always perfect. That's just silly to consider, really. I mean, I do live here, and I am not June Cleaver (Martha Stewart, if you need a contemporary example). In fact, if my place is untidy or needing to be cleaned, I don't invite people over. It's that simple. Only the very closest of friends can come over when it's not perfect, and that's because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they will not make fun of the fact that it's not up to its usual standard.
I got thinking about this tonight, as I have a good friend coming over, and the place isn't clean. It kind of reminds me of people. Lots of people only let others into the places in their lives that are "clean" - that look good or seem to be together. When there are things that are falling apart, many people put on a mask and pretend that their house is still perfectly clean, but no one is really allowed in to see that it actually isn't. Perhaps they'll let one or two really close and safe friends into those places that are messy, but for the most part, people are only ever allowed to see what that person wants them to see. (This isn't far from the truth about why my apartment is always clean - I don't like people to think I'm messy.....)
There's another kind of person - sort of the opposite person. The one who will talk to anybody about the messy things in their life, and almost revel in its disorder. I'm not sure that they would categorize it that way, of course, but it does seem that way. Too concerned with having others see their messes and offer them sympathy or comfort, but never really taking the time and effort to start cleaning it up. Housework is, after all, work.
I think a healthy person is one in the middle somewhere. Someone who desires to be "tidy" - clean, whole, mature - and yet is OK with being real, and not feeling the need to hide when things aren't always perfectly in order in their life.
Jesus didn't wear a mask and pretend everything was alright.
He sweat drops of blood in the garden.
Jesus didn't flaunt his troubles without attacking them.
He rebuked Satan in the wilderness.
If you're wearing a mask, He will heal you. There is more for you.
If you're enjoying your misfortune, He will heal you. There is more for you.
And if you are a real person, be blessed. And don't forget that He will still heal you. There is more for you, too.
You see, my place is always crisp and perfectly clean when other people come over. Always. It's become a joke amongst my friends that my place is always perfect. That's just silly to consider, really. I mean, I do live here, and I am not June Cleaver (Martha Stewart, if you need a contemporary example). In fact, if my place is untidy or needing to be cleaned, I don't invite people over. It's that simple. Only the very closest of friends can come over when it's not perfect, and that's because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they will not make fun of the fact that it's not up to its usual standard.
I got thinking about this tonight, as I have a good friend coming over, and the place isn't clean. It kind of reminds me of people. Lots of people only let others into the places in their lives that are "clean" - that look good or seem to be together. When there are things that are falling apart, many people put on a mask and pretend that their house is still perfectly clean, but no one is really allowed in to see that it actually isn't. Perhaps they'll let one or two really close and safe friends into those places that are messy, but for the most part, people are only ever allowed to see what that person wants them to see. (This isn't far from the truth about why my apartment is always clean - I don't like people to think I'm messy.....)
There's another kind of person - sort of the opposite person. The one who will talk to anybody about the messy things in their life, and almost revel in its disorder. I'm not sure that they would categorize it that way, of course, but it does seem that way. Too concerned with having others see their messes and offer them sympathy or comfort, but never really taking the time and effort to start cleaning it up. Housework is, after all, work.
I think a healthy person is one in the middle somewhere. Someone who desires to be "tidy" - clean, whole, mature - and yet is OK with being real, and not feeling the need to hide when things aren't always perfectly in order in their life.
Jesus didn't wear a mask and pretend everything was alright.
He sweat drops of blood in the garden.
Jesus didn't flaunt his troubles without attacking them.
He rebuked Satan in the wilderness.
If you're wearing a mask, He will heal you. There is more for you.
If you're enjoying your misfortune, He will heal you. There is more for you.
And if you are a real person, be blessed. And don't forget that He will still heal you. There is more for you, too.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007,8:34 p.m.
THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
So, today is Valentine's Day. Cool. I did get chocolates. And a couple of cards. Nice. Actually, the chocolates were liqueur, so while the gesture was lovely, I'm afraid the chocolates probably won't endanger my waste line. My mom sent me an e-card. The cat left me a "present." (Actually that's not a good thing.....) I got to spend almost 2 hours in traffic on the way home from work tonight.
That last one is actually a good thing. I got to spend those two hours with the love of my life.
I've had a good many dates in my life. Two hours can be the longest date in the history of the WORLD when it's boring or not going well. (I have recently been on just such a date - TWO HOURS IS A LONG TIME.) Two hours can also be the swiftest passage of time when you're with someone you really like and whose company you thoroughly enjoy. Two hours is even better when you're in a deep, committed, trusting relationship. I think that's because there is no rush; there is the knowledge that there will always be another two hours.
Two hours in traffic is great, and I'm not talking just about how buff my left leg is from getting to use the clutch pedal so much. It's two hours of worship music to fill my spirit and my mouth. Two hours of conversation. Two hours to pray for friends and family. Two hours to process with God the things in my life. Two hours to listen to Him and two hours to talk to Him.
It was such a short two hours. But there will another two hours. Of that I'm absolutely secure.
That last one is actually a good thing. I got to spend those two hours with the love of my life.
I've had a good many dates in my life. Two hours can be the longest date in the history of the WORLD when it's boring or not going well. (I have recently been on just such a date - TWO HOURS IS A LONG TIME.) Two hours can also be the swiftest passage of time when you're with someone you really like and whose company you thoroughly enjoy. Two hours is even better when you're in a deep, committed, trusting relationship. I think that's because there is no rush; there is the knowledge that there will always be another two hours.
Two hours in traffic is great, and I'm not talking just about how buff my left leg is from getting to use the clutch pedal so much. It's two hours of worship music to fill my spirit and my mouth. Two hours of conversation. Two hours to pray for friends and family. Two hours to process with God the things in my life. Two hours to listen to Him and two hours to talk to Him.
It was such a short two hours. But there will another two hours. Of that I'm absolutely secure.
Sunday, February 11, 2007,3:43 p.m.
A LOCKED GARDEN
I was chatting with someone last night who was expressing a desire to "re-connect" with that initial passion that they had when they first believed and began a relationship with the Lord. I found myself resonating with the desire, and wanted to experience anew a time when my passionate love for God was an all-consuming emotion.
Then as I was reading in Song of Songs this afternoon I came across this passage in chapter 4 that says this:
You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with every kind of incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spices. You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon. (Song of Songs 4:12-15)
Despite the obvious message of how rich and fertile and beautiful the garden is, I was struck also by the fact that the garden is locked up. Who locked it? Who sealed the fountain? My conclusion was that the bride herself has locked up her garden - who else can lock the garden but its owner? I was struck by the lover (God) reminding his bride (each of us) of how incredible we are, and yet we must unlock the gate and invite Him into our gardens. How many of us, through wounds we have received have locked ourselves up tight so as to be protected from all other hurts? That self-protection will protect us even from the Father - the Healer.
Verse 16 is a prayer and a prophetic call that I prayed over my own life today, and also over the lives of many of my friends.
Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. (Song of Songs 4:16)
I want to let my Lover in. I want Him to have all of me - not just in words, or when I sing the lyrics to a song about surrender. All of me. All of the garden that He Himself has created. Everything. The gate is unlocked. Come, Lord.
Then as I was reading in Song of Songs this afternoon I came across this passage in chapter 4 that says this:
You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with every kind of incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spices. You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon. (Song of Songs 4:12-15)
Despite the obvious message of how rich and fertile and beautiful the garden is, I was struck also by the fact that the garden is locked up. Who locked it? Who sealed the fountain? My conclusion was that the bride herself has locked up her garden - who else can lock the garden but its owner? I was struck by the lover (God) reminding his bride (each of us) of how incredible we are, and yet we must unlock the gate and invite Him into our gardens. How many of us, through wounds we have received have locked ourselves up tight so as to be protected from all other hurts? That self-protection will protect us even from the Father - the Healer.
Verse 16 is a prayer and a prophetic call that I prayed over my own life today, and also over the lives of many of my friends.
Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. (Song of Songs 4:16)
I want to let my Lover in. I want Him to have all of me - not just in words, or when I sing the lyrics to a song about surrender. All of me. All of the garden that He Himself has created. Everything. The gate is unlocked. Come, Lord.
Monday, February 05, 2007,7:33 p.m.
FOOTBALL
For those who have any doubts, Karyn Baker is NOT a football fan. (North American style, that is, she quite likes British/Aussie football - what we Canadians call soccer....) Actually, that may be overstating the truth - Karyn Baker just doesn't really care that much about football. Karyn Baker also doesn't have cable, so whether she likes football or not is rather a moot point. (Karyn Baker is also not quite certain why she is referring to herself in the third person tonight - looks like I might still be a bit tired....)
However, what I really like is what I read on the ArmyBarmy blog tonight, posted by Stephen Court, in reference to the Superbowl game from Sunday afternoon. Check it out:
There was a big football game last night. For those not in to it, much, let me relay a bit of the interview following (this immediately followed the owner thanking God again and again). The interviewer Jim Nantz noted that this game had social significance. Winning coach Tony Dungy acknowledged that this was the first NFL championship game with two 'African American' coaches and that this was a good day for America. But then he continued (and I paraphrase) - but I'm more proud of this socially significant fact: two Christian coaches. We've demonstrated that you can win the Lord's way. Now, that doesn't sound too impressive on its own except that during the game the announcers made a big deal that Coach Dungy never swears and never even raises his voice to his players. Basically, they testified to his godly character, and then after the game he testified to its source and motivation. It was good.
Nice. May we all be as bold and as jealous for God's glory.
However, what I really like is what I read on the ArmyBarmy blog tonight, posted by Stephen Court, in reference to the Superbowl game from Sunday afternoon. Check it out:
There was a big football game last night. For those not in to it, much, let me relay a bit of the interview following (this immediately followed the owner thanking God again and again). The interviewer Jim Nantz noted that this game had social significance. Winning coach Tony Dungy acknowledged that this was the first NFL championship game with two 'African American' coaches and that this was a good day for America. But then he continued (and I paraphrase) - but I'm more proud of this socially significant fact: two Christian coaches. We've demonstrated that you can win the Lord's way. Now, that doesn't sound too impressive on its own except that during the game the announcers made a big deal that Coach Dungy never swears and never even raises his voice to his players. Basically, they testified to his godly character, and then after the game he testified to its source and motivation. It was good.
Nice. May we all be as bold and as jealous for God's glory.