FROM: Banbury, Oxfordshire, United Kingdom
ABOUT ME: Living the highs and lows of life in the adventurous pursuit of God Himself and of who I'm meant to be as the Bride of Christ.
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Thursday, July 12, 2007,3:25 p.m.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND UNCONDITIONAL RESPECT
I started reading For Women Only yesterday, a book by Shaunti Feldhahn. The book is sub-titled, "What You Need To Know About the Inner Lives of Men."
Now, before you all start giggling at the idea of a single chick reading a book about men, think about it. Friendships between men and women are not restricted to life after the words, "I do." All women have relationships (and by that I am actually referring to friendships) with men. I'm hoping that this book will give me some insight into how to better love my close friends who are guys and understand a bit more how they tick.
So here's the first profound thing that I found reading this last night - how different men and women can tend to be when it comes to love and respect. The shocker isn't that most men crave respect above love (or equate the two) and that most women would prefer to be loved than respected, if they had to choose. The shocker came with a section on unconditional respect and these words:
"...we've come to think that love should be unconditional, but respect must be earned (page 26)."
THAT was huge. I was certainly brought up to believe that respect must be earned. Not necessarily by my parents, who taught me to be respectful of everyone, but probably by society at large. It taught me that though everyone should be respected, to have respect for someone is something they have to have earned. Not so, according to this book, and it struck a chord somewhere in me that says it makes sense. That phrase goes on to say:
"Instead, what men need is unconditional respect - to be respected for who they are [i.e. our husbands], apart from how they do (page 26)." (Parentheses are actually quoted.)
Wow. I have a lot of work to do. Even just thinking about it overnight, I can see that unconditional respect is going to be hard. But then, so is unconditional love. I think what is cool is that God gets that we are each made this way. Ephesians 5 lays it out already, but I don't think I ever really made the connection until recently that it's done that way not culturally, but because of the way we are all wired.
Jesus, help us to execute unconditional love and unconditional respect!
"Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)"
Now, before you all start giggling at the idea of a single chick reading a book about men, think about it. Friendships between men and women are not restricted to life after the words, "I do." All women have relationships (and by that I am actually referring to friendships) with men. I'm hoping that this book will give me some insight into how to better love my close friends who are guys and understand a bit more how they tick.
So here's the first profound thing that I found reading this last night - how different men and women can tend to be when it comes to love and respect. The shocker isn't that most men crave respect above love (or equate the two) and that most women would prefer to be loved than respected, if they had to choose. The shocker came with a section on unconditional respect and these words:
"...we've come to think that love should be unconditional, but respect must be earned (page 26)."
THAT was huge. I was certainly brought up to believe that respect must be earned. Not necessarily by my parents, who taught me to be respectful of everyone, but probably by society at large. It taught me that though everyone should be respected, to have respect for someone is something they have to have earned. Not so, according to this book, and it struck a chord somewhere in me that says it makes sense. That phrase goes on to say:
"Instead, what men need is unconditional respect - to be respected for who they are [i.e. our husbands], apart from how they do (page 26)." (Parentheses are actually quoted.)
Wow. I have a lot of work to do. Even just thinking about it overnight, I can see that unconditional respect is going to be hard. But then, so is unconditional love. I think what is cool is that God gets that we are each made this way. Ephesians 5 lays it out already, but I don't think I ever really made the connection until recently that it's done that way not culturally, but because of the way we are all wired.
Jesus, help us to execute unconditional love and unconditional respect!
"Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)"
