FROM: Banbury, Oxfordshire, United Kingdom
ABOUT ME: Living the highs and lows of life in the adventurous pursuit of God Himself and of who I'm meant to be as the Bride of Christ.
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Thursday, May 29, 2008,6:54 p.m.
RISK TAKING AND ROLLER COASTERS
I have decided that taking the risk of doing something that seems risky that the Lord is telling you to do is not really taking a risk at all. (What might be at risk is my teaching job is I ever construct a sentence like that again!)
I am not a risk-taker, particularly. My dad might tell you different. Actually, I love that my dad thinks I am brave. But I don't think, in fact, that I am.
For example, I don't like roller coasters. At all. AT ALL. I have been on a roller coaster once in my life (the wooden one at Playland) and I'm pretty sure that the fellow sitting beside me still has marks on his arm where I grabbed him because holding on to the bar in front of me did not feel secure enough. (Though why I thought he wouldn't also fly out if I was flying out, I'm not sure. It's not like he was bolted to the coaster car.) Roller coasters are out for me.
As are water rides (they're just roller coasters where you get wet), bungee jumping, sky diving, and anything else that might be designed to thrill me by scaring me. Taking risks is not something that gives me any kind of high. I'm closer to hives that highs when it comes to many of those kinds of things.
And yet the thought occurs to me that the Lord often asks us to take risks. In general, those risks I am OK with, and yet they have the potential to hurt so much more, since they are often risks with our hearts or our faith. But I have come to the conclusion that if the Lord tells you to do it, then He has a plan, whatever that might be. Since we already know that the plans He has for us are good (Jeremiah 29:11), then it logically follows that there is in essence no real risk in being obedient and doing what He's asked us to do.
Maybe it would be more accurate to say that we risk nothing of Him in our being obedient. I suppose we might risk acceptance in our society, social standing, financial security or gain, relationships or respect. But these things are not eternal; the Lord is eternal.
Perhaps the real conclusion is that it is like the roller coasters I so love to hate. Perhaps the 'risk' really does feel and seem like a risk, and perhaps that's part of where our leaps in faith and obedience can come in. But, just like that silly roller coaster, it is actually very safe.
It feels a little funny to call the Creator of the entire universe "safe". But I believe that to be hidden in his love and his plans is indeed a very safe risk to take.
I am not a risk-taker, particularly. My dad might tell you different. Actually, I love that my dad thinks I am brave. But I don't think, in fact, that I am.
For example, I don't like roller coasters. At all. AT ALL. I have been on a roller coaster once in my life (the wooden one at Playland) and I'm pretty sure that the fellow sitting beside me still has marks on his arm where I grabbed him because holding on to the bar in front of me did not feel secure enough. (Though why I thought he wouldn't also fly out if I was flying out, I'm not sure. It's not like he was bolted to the coaster car.) Roller coasters are out for me.
As are water rides (they're just roller coasters where you get wet), bungee jumping, sky diving, and anything else that might be designed to thrill me by scaring me. Taking risks is not something that gives me any kind of high. I'm closer to hives that highs when it comes to many of those kinds of things.
And yet the thought occurs to me that the Lord often asks us to take risks. In general, those risks I am OK with, and yet they have the potential to hurt so much more, since they are often risks with our hearts or our faith. But I have come to the conclusion that if the Lord tells you to do it, then He has a plan, whatever that might be. Since we already know that the plans He has for us are good (Jeremiah 29:11), then it logically follows that there is in essence no real risk in being obedient and doing what He's asked us to do.
Maybe it would be more accurate to say that we risk nothing of Him in our being obedient. I suppose we might risk acceptance in our society, social standing, financial security or gain, relationships or respect. But these things are not eternal; the Lord is eternal.
Perhaps the real conclusion is that it is like the roller coasters I so love to hate. Perhaps the 'risk' really does feel and seem like a risk, and perhaps that's part of where our leaps in faith and obedience can come in. But, just like that silly roller coaster, it is actually very safe.
It feels a little funny to call the Creator of the entire universe "safe". But I believe that to be hidden in his love and his plans is indeed a very safe risk to take.
'"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'
(Jeremiah 29:11)
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
(2 Corinthians 4:16-18)
'"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honour him. With long life will I satisfy him and show
him my salvation."
(Psalm 91:14-16)
Wednesday, May 28, 2008,4:46 p.m.
ZACH IS HOME!!
Steph's e-mail from this morning:
We had a pleasant surprise last night during our visit at the hospital. They had let us know that if everything continued to go well with Zach's bottle feeds that he would come home on Wednesday. While I was talking to the Dr he suggested that if i wanted, i could take him home in an hour! Fortunately, Greg had put the car seat into the car already in preparation for Wednesday so we did in fact take him home.
I figured I'd be a bit paranoid this time around with Zach being a premie and the concerns there are with premies breathing so I had him sleep in a bassinet in our room (Eliana never spent a night in our room). Partway through the night I was already thinking "He's fine" and put in earplugs :) He hasn't cried yet, but he is a grunter, which woke us up several times.
When I brought Zach into Eliana's room this morning to show her that he'd come home, she knew right away that it was Zach -- well actually she said "Zoey" before she announced it was "Zach" but hopefully he doesn't get a complex about being mistaken for a girl.
I am blessed to have a dear girlfriend from out of town staying with us for a few days, so I am fine as far as childcare/meals/etc at the moment. We look forward to introducing Zach to you all!
Love, Steph
We had a pleasant surprise last night during our visit at the hospital. They had let us know that if everything continued to go well with Zach's bottle feeds that he would come home on Wednesday. While I was talking to the Dr he suggested that if i wanted, i could take him home in an hour! Fortunately, Greg had put the car seat into the car already in preparation for Wednesday so we did in fact take him home.
I figured I'd be a bit paranoid this time around with Zach being a premie and the concerns there are with premies breathing so I had him sleep in a bassinet in our room (Eliana never spent a night in our room). Partway through the night I was already thinking "He's fine" and put in earplugs :) He hasn't cried yet, but he is a grunter, which woke us up several times.
When I brought Zach into Eliana's room this morning to show her that he'd come home, she knew right away that it was Zach -- well actually she said "Zoey" before she announced it was "Zach" but hopefully he doesn't get a complex about being mistaken for a girl.
I am blessed to have a dear girlfriend from out of town staying with us for a few days, so I am fine as far as childcare/meals/etc at the moment. We look forward to introducing Zach to you all!
Love, Steph
Monday, May 26, 2008,8:46 p.m.
LATEST BABIES UPDATE
Thanks for the patience of those who come to this blog looking for things other than baby updates! I promise I have other things to blog and will do so very shortly. This isn't actually a "baby blog", but it is a good means for getting information to intercessors quickly and concisely.
In the meantime, here's the latest e-mail from my sister-in-law, Stephanie, and a couple of recent pictures.
Thank you for your continued prayers and well wishes.
Zach is still learning to bottle feed consistently. He ripped out his NG [feeding] tube last night so they are giving him another trial of just bottle feeds to see if he can do it for 48 hours straight without getting too tuckered out. He now weighs 2346gm (was ~1960 at birth).
Zoey is responding well to the antibiotics she's been on for an infection which they suspect may have been from her NG tube. She now weighs 1285gm (was ~990 at birth). We are awaiting ECG results from friday as she is having respiratory rate difficulties and high heart rate the past week. The cardiologists might operate on the valve that hasn't closed yet since she didn't really respond to the round of medication they tried a couple weeks ago. It is quite a common surgery in premies.
My blood pressure is back to normal without medication. Eliana has become a Daddy's girl since I was in hospital - I suppose not such a bad thing since the twins will require my attention, especially when they are home.
We've got some new pictures from past few days. I find it amazing how much both Zach and Zoey have changed in appearance from birth (and probably still will until they reach full-term weights).
Love, Steph & family
Zach getting a bath - three weeks old.
Zoey - three weeks old.
Eliana at Sasamat Lake - learned how to use a shovel and seemed unphased by the icy water!
In the meantime, here's the latest e-mail from my sister-in-law, Stephanie, and a couple of recent pictures.
Thank you for your continued prayers and well wishes.
Zach is still learning to bottle feed consistently. He ripped out his NG [feeding] tube last night so they are giving him another trial of just bottle feeds to see if he can do it for 48 hours straight without getting too tuckered out. He now weighs 2346gm (was ~1960 at birth).
Zoey is responding well to the antibiotics she's been on for an infection which they suspect may have been from her NG tube. She now weighs 1285gm (was ~990 at birth). We are awaiting ECG results from friday as she is having respiratory rate difficulties and high heart rate the past week. The cardiologists might operate on the valve that hasn't closed yet since she didn't really respond to the round of medication they tried a couple weeks ago. It is quite a common surgery in premies.
My blood pressure is back to normal without medication. Eliana has become a Daddy's girl since I was in hospital - I suppose not such a bad thing since the twins will require my attention, especially when they are home.
We've got some new pictures from past few days. I find it amazing how much both Zach and Zoey have changed in appearance from birth (and probably still will until they reach full-term weights).
Love, Steph & family
Zach getting a bath - three weeks old.
Zoey - three weeks old.
Eliana at Sasamat Lake - learned how to use a shovel and seemed unphased by the icy water!
Thursday, May 22, 2008,9:04 p.m.
QUICK BABIES UPDATE
A quick update on the babies. Zach was doing well and so was Zoey, although she remained in the NICU. It seems that today there has been some concern over both of them for different things. Tachycardia (excessively high heart rate) for Zoey and a problem eating and maintaining body temperature for Zach.
Please, continue to pray for them.
(I notice that I haven't mentioned that I got to go and visit both babies last Friday night. I held Zach for a long time (he fell asleep - I guess he thought I was rather boring), though didn't get to hold Zoey. They are both such precious babies. Pictures soon to come of Auntie and Zachary!)
Pictures from Grandma and Grandpa's last visit:
Zoey
Zoey
Zach
Zach
Eliana
Eliana
Please, continue to pray for them.
(I notice that I haven't mentioned that I got to go and visit both babies last Friday night. I held Zach for a long time (he fell asleep - I guess he thought I was rather boring), though didn't get to hold Zoey. They are both such precious babies. Pictures soon to come of Auntie and Zachary!)
Pictures from Grandma and Grandpa's last visit:
Zoey
Zoey
Zach
Zach
Eliana
Eliana
Monday, May 19, 2008,10:58 a.m.
JOB'S RESPONSE
I have been reading the first chapter of Job this morning. I often use verses from this chapter when leading worship, especially for the song Blessed Be Your Name (Matt Redman), that directly quotes verse 21.
But it was verse 20 that really struck my this morning. It comes just after the incredible immediacy of the destruction of everything Job has and holds dear - his possessions, his livelihood, his servants, and his children. Job's response is what has held my attention this morning, but not the response of the words, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord (verse 21b)" which I so often use to teach and lead. It is that right after hearing of destruction after destruction, Job's response is this:
"Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshipped." (Job 1:20)
His response was to worship. I can worship in response to God's glory and His great kindness. I can worship in response to His love for me and His character in general. But I know, to my own grief and shame, that I have been missing the mark when it comes to worshipping God as a response to my grievous circumstances. I struggle just to worship through them, but in reading this I am struck by how much I need to learn to worship as a response to them.
I have a long way to go. I understand a little better now why Job was called a righteous man....
(Later in the day....)
Above was the original end of this post. Through the day I've continued to ponder this, and will probably do so for some time. I looked up Matthew Henry's commentary on this portion of Job, and was impacted by a couple of things from his writing on the subject.
...The same who gave hath taken away. See how Job looks above instruments, and keeps his eye upon the First Cause. Afflictions must not divert us from, but quicken us to religion.... [I would use a different word than religion - keep in mind that this is not contemporary writing.]
...All we have is from his gift; we have forfeited it by sin, and ought not to complain if he takes any part from us. Discontent and impatience charge God with folly. Against these Job carefully watched; and so must we, acknowledging that as God has done right....
There is much here to process.
But it was verse 20 that really struck my this morning. It comes just after the incredible immediacy of the destruction of everything Job has and holds dear - his possessions, his livelihood, his servants, and his children. Job's response is what has held my attention this morning, but not the response of the words, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord (verse 21b)" which I so often use to teach and lead. It is that right after hearing of destruction after destruction, Job's response is this:
"Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshipped." (Job 1:20)
His response was to worship. I can worship in response to God's glory and His great kindness. I can worship in response to His love for me and His character in general. But I know, to my own grief and shame, that I have been missing the mark when it comes to worshipping God as a response to my grievous circumstances. I struggle just to worship through them, but in reading this I am struck by how much I need to learn to worship as a response to them.
I have a long way to go. I understand a little better now why Job was called a righteous man....
(Later in the day....)
Above was the original end of this post. Through the day I've continued to ponder this, and will probably do so for some time. I looked up Matthew Henry's commentary on this portion of Job, and was impacted by a couple of things from his writing on the subject.
...The same who gave hath taken away. See how Job looks above instruments, and keeps his eye upon the First Cause. Afflictions must not divert us from, but quicken us to religion.... [I would use a different word than religion - keep in mind that this is not contemporary writing.]
...All we have is from his gift; we have forfeited it by sin, and ought not to complain if he takes any part from us. Discontent and impatience charge God with folly. Against these Job carefully watched; and so must we, acknowledging that as God has done right....
There is much here to process.
Monday, May 12, 2008,5:34 p.m.
ZOEY'S MIDDLE NAME
I noticed on some pictures of the babies that Greg posted that Zoey has a middle name now! It is Reese. So my new niece and nephew are:
and
Nice!
(PS - The babies are doing well and Steph is now home. Thanks for your continued prayers. The babies will remain in hospital for a while - I'll update as needed.)
ZACHARY JAMES BAKER
(Zachary means "The Lord remembers" and James means "Supplanter" - it's Greg's middle name)
and
ZOEY REESE BAKER
(Zoey means "Life" and Reese means "Enthusiasm")
Nice!
(PS - The babies are doing well and Steph is now home. Thanks for your continued prayers. The babies will remain in hospital for a while - I'll update as needed.)
Monday, May 05, 2008,7:57 p.m.
BABIES UPDATE
Here's an update from Greg that was sent yesterday. We went to visit - Steph looks great, and we got to see Zach in his incubator (working on his tan, as Greg puts it). Zoey was in the midst of a 'procedure' so we didn't get to see her, but she did not have surgery yesterday - see the e-mail below.
Good news today..
Zoey didn't need surgery after all. Last night they started seeing traces of meconium (baby poo) in her diaper. It was a bit of a shock to everyone and we aren't exactly sure how it is getting out of her, but it is, and it looks like her 'plumbing' must be hooked up after all. She is so little and so squirmy that it is hard to get a good look at things. She has some tests tomorrow to try and trace the intestines and where they go so we should know more after that. She is getting the best care that Children's Hospital has to offer and the surgeons have also been consulting with specialists in Toronto that are the best in Canada in regards to neo-natal issues like Zoey's. They also hope to remove her breathing tube tonight which will make
things more comfortable for her. She may be able to start on a bit of milk tomorrow.
Zach is doing great. He no longer needs breathing help and was working on his tan under some sort of bright blue light today. He ate his first real meal (5 ml of milk) - through a tube to his stomach (if you can really call that eating..).
Steph's blood pressure is still high, but they hope that it will start to fall in the next couple of days. She is feeling better and just really needs a good night's sleep. Hopefully she can come home this week.
I've attached pics of the two. The nurse got a decent one of Zach before they stuffed him full of tubes and such. We weren't quite as lucky with Zoey, although she has even more stuff sticking out of her now.
greg.
Here are the pictures (check the nurse's hands in both pictures to get a better idea of each baby's actual size):
Zachary James
Zoey (no middle name yet!)
Good news today..
Zoey didn't need surgery after all. Last night they started seeing traces of meconium (baby poo) in her diaper. It was a bit of a shock to everyone and we aren't exactly sure how it is getting out of her, but it is, and it looks like her 'plumbing' must be hooked up after all. She is so little and so squirmy that it is hard to get a good look at things. She has some tests tomorrow to try and trace the intestines and where they go so we should know more after that. She is getting the best care that Children's Hospital has to offer and the surgeons have also been consulting with specialists in Toronto that are the best in Canada in regards to neo-natal issues like Zoey's. They also hope to remove her breathing tube tonight which will make
things more comfortable for her. She may be able to start on a bit of milk tomorrow.
Zach is doing great. He no longer needs breathing help and was working on his tan under some sort of bright blue light today. He ate his first real meal (5 ml of milk) - through a tube to his stomach (if you can really call that eating..).
Steph's blood pressure is still high, but they hope that it will start to fall in the next couple of days. She is feeling better and just really needs a good night's sleep. Hopefully she can come home this week.
I've attached pics of the two. The nurse got a decent one of Zach before they stuffed him full of tubes and such. We weren't quite as lucky with Zoey, although she has even more stuff sticking out of her now.
greg.
Here are the pictures (check the nurse's hands in both pictures to get a better idea of each baby's actual size):
Zachary James
Zoey (no middle name yet!)
Saturday, May 03, 2008,10:17 p.m.
AUNTIE AGAIN (AND AGAIN)
I am an auntie again! Twice over this time. My brother, Greg, and sister-in-law, Stephanie, had their babies early this morning after Steph being induced - a boy and a girl (of which we were already aware). There have been lots of complications for both Steph and baby girl. Steph has been in hospital for the last two weeks with a fairly serious risk of stroke (high blood pressure and low platelet count), and baby girl has had some very serious growth and development issues.
My apologies for announcing this way, and most especially to those who had no idea! Every time I talk about the babies it seems I find someone that I hadn't told yet that Greg and Steph were expecting again. For those of you who knew and have been praying, thank-you. Please continue.
I am reproducing Greg's e-mail of this evening to update on our girl's condition. Baby names are also below!
Hi everyone,
Zachary James Baker (4 lbs, 5 oz) was born at 6:45 am on Saturday, followed at 7am by his little sister Zoey (middle name still TBD). She weighed in at 2 lbs, 3 oz. Everyone is alive and stable (including mom and dad!).
What feels like a month ago (but was really Thursday evening), Steph's blood pressure spiked way up again and the doctor's decided that we couldn't wait any more and they decided to induce her. Things progressed slowly at first as Steph's body wasn't really ready to deliver (she was 32 weeks), but once things got going early Saturday morning, they moved along pretty fast. We were able to deliver both babies naturally, without an emergency C section. Both Zach and Zoey were immediately whisked away to the Neo-natal ICU to be stabilized and examined.
Zach is doing pretty well. He needs a little bit of help with his breathing right now, but is otherwise pretty healthy. He should start to eat tomorrow and will probably be in the ICU for a month or 2.
Zoey's abnormality in her abdomen is a little bit more serious than originally thought. It looks to involve the bowel as well as the bladder and reproductive organs. She is also missing her anus. Since the bowel/anus are not connected, she will have to have surgery tomorrow (Sunday around 11) to connect her bowel to the outside, so there is somewhere for the waste to go. She cannot eat anything until after the surgery is complete. Surgery on a 2 pound baby is not ideal, but the surgeons expect a good outcome tomorrow. They will decide during surgery whether to try to repair the bladder at the same time, but they may wait and do a second surgery in the coming weeks after she gets a bit bigger. At this time, she is stable and even kicks and moves a bit. She should probably consider redirecting her mail to the hospital, because that will be her home far into the foreseeable future.
Steph's blood pressure is up and down, sometimes too high, sometimes too low. She is still on medication for it and hopefully it stabilizes in the next few days, so that she can come home soon. She is still on medication to prevent a seizure and once she comes off that (hopefully Sunday morning) she may be moved from the delivery area to a regular room upstairs.
And because she is no less special, here's a recent picture of our first "baby" at Maplewood farm! I'm so impressed with her boldness - when I was little a goat tried to eat me at Maplewood farm, and I'm still getting over it. (Apparently not well.....) Eliana called the goats "puppies". But then, I think almost everything is "puppy" these days.
My apologies for announcing this way, and most especially to those who had no idea! Every time I talk about the babies it seems I find someone that I hadn't told yet that Greg and Steph were expecting again. For those of you who knew and have been praying, thank-you. Please continue.
I am reproducing Greg's e-mail of this evening to update on our girl's condition. Baby names are also below!
Hi everyone,
Zachary James Baker (4 lbs, 5 oz) was born at 6:45 am on Saturday, followed at 7am by his little sister Zoey (middle name still TBD). She weighed in at 2 lbs, 3 oz. Everyone is alive and stable (including mom and dad!).
What feels like a month ago (but was really Thursday evening), Steph's blood pressure spiked way up again and the doctor's decided that we couldn't wait any more and they decided to induce her. Things progressed slowly at first as Steph's body wasn't really ready to deliver (she was 32 weeks), but once things got going early Saturday morning, they moved along pretty fast. We were able to deliver both babies naturally, without an emergency C section. Both Zach and Zoey were immediately whisked away to the Neo-natal ICU to be stabilized and examined.
Zach is doing pretty well. He needs a little bit of help with his breathing right now, but is otherwise pretty healthy. He should start to eat tomorrow and will probably be in the ICU for a month or 2.
Zoey's abnormality in her abdomen is a little bit more serious than originally thought. It looks to involve the bowel as well as the bladder and reproductive organs. She is also missing her anus. Since the bowel/anus are not connected, she will have to have surgery tomorrow (Sunday around 11) to connect her bowel to the outside, so there is somewhere for the waste to go. She cannot eat anything until after the surgery is complete. Surgery on a 2 pound baby is not ideal, but the surgeons expect a good outcome tomorrow. They will decide during surgery whether to try to repair the bladder at the same time, but they may wait and do a second surgery in the coming weeks after she gets a bit bigger. At this time, she is stable and even kicks and moves a bit. She should probably consider redirecting her mail to the hospital, because that will be her home far into the foreseeable future.
Steph's blood pressure is up and down, sometimes too high, sometimes too low. She is still on medication for it and hopefully it stabilizes in the next few days, so that she can come home soon. She is still on medication to prevent a seizure and once she comes off that (hopefully Sunday morning) she may be moved from the delivery area to a regular room upstairs.
And because she is no less special, here's a recent picture of our first "baby" at Maplewood farm! I'm so impressed with her boldness - when I was little a goat tried to eat me at Maplewood farm, and I'm still getting over it. (Apparently not well.....) Eliana called the goats "puppies". But then, I think almost everything is "puppy" these days.
