Since my blog last night about personality, I've been continuing to think this morning about personalities and authenticity and friendships. I was thinking about how we often spend a good deal of time with certain people - the people we consider our friends. We love them and enjoy them and on a certain level we know them. But I was thinking about some of the interaction that I've had this weekend and how even though I would consider the people I spent time with my friends and I dearly love them, I wonder how well we know each other.

Last night, after everyone we were hanging out with had gone home and I was sitting alone with my friend, Heather, she commented on something she had seen much earlier in the evening - my reaction to a conversation. She had noticed that my body language had changed ever so slightly and she knew exactly what kind of reaction I was having to the conversation even though my words were fairly casual and I was at the moment attempting to carry off a polite conversation. I loved that she knew that, and I felt validated in who I am, which freed me up to then talk to her about what had happened for me in that conversation and why I was reacting to it the way that I was.

I know that some people are simply more observant than others, and my dear friend Heather is definitely one of those. But how much of our joking around and having fun is simply a cover to not let people deep into our hearts and lives - those places that are vulnerable and will be hurt if someone is not careful with us? How well do we really know each other? Well enough to understand the nuances of facial expression and body language? Well enough that even if we aren't seeing that friend we know exactly what they are thinking or feeling? I realize that I am talking about a depth of friendship that is intimate and very special - not something created with every person you meet or spend some time with. But is there a place where our self-protection - our desire to protect ourselves from being hurt or having someone think poorly of us - is hampering our being in authentic, deep relationships? I pray it may never be, but I think that our culture and what we have learned as emotional armor is strong, and I think it damages true, Godly fellowship, especially among believers. I pray all this for my own life, too - that I would allow God to both protect my heart and to constantly tell me who I am according to His perspective, so that I am not chasing my identity in the thoughts of others.

Authenticity. I know that it is something that is important to me. I have for a long time been the kind of person who responds better to authenticity than teasing or surface friendships. I like to really know people so I can love them better. And I like people to really know me so I can feel secure and be myself. A huge part of that is personal responsibility - my being authentic. I guess that includes communicating to others that this is who I am and how I tick. The beauty is that the places where I know I've done that are the places where I have deep, spiritual, meaningful, and I believe lasting friendships. Bonds of love.

Father, please, You be our protector of our hearts so that we may blossom into the personalities and characters that You have created us to be. And fill us with deep love one for another so we are a safe and truly loving community that brings Your name great glory.