My "kids" at the church have started accusing me of being their mom - how weird is that? Yup - at 33 years old I have 30 kids (give or take, I can never keep track of them all....) That's impressive, I think. Though not quite so good as when I was in my mid to late twenties and had about 250 kids (at the high school where I taught). (Funny story there, as a side note: I was talking about "my kids" to someone I sang in a choir with back then, and she politely asked how old they were, so I said, "high school", and then she politely asked how many kids I had, and you should have seen her face when I answered 250!! We rather quickly sorted out the misunderstanding after that....)

Anyway, I have "kids" at the church. Not that they are children, but there is definitely a sense that they "belong" to me (so to speak) and that I, in a way, "belong" to them. The older I get, and the further away from being a teenager I am myself, the more those relationships take on a rather surreal sense of the parental - the love, the desire to protect, the nurturing, the pride and pain in watching them, and, occassionally, the desire to kill (but that's another blog altogther). :)

It sharply reminds me as I'm thinking of all this, that we as a church community raise children and teens together. I am no one's parent, but I have a responsibility to teach, exhort, encourage, and hold accountable those that are around me, and especially those that are younger than me. I'm not saying I am always good at it, but anyone who is a parent will likely agree that they are not perfect all the time. (Of course I don't mean you, Mom and Dad. Keep me in the will....) And even though I wear the title "Youth Pastor," I am not the only person in the congregation who is called upon to raise our children to be Godly men and women, with right understanding of the scripture and a passion for the lost. In Paul's letter to Titus (chapter 2), he talks about what each group in the church is to be taught - but I doubt very much he was expecting Titus to do it all. We are all called upon to teach and raise our children - I pray we are given enough wisdom to do it well.

I've been studying through the book of Revelation again, and I have been reminded again of how amazing it is. Every couple of chapters we are ushered back to the throne to worship! Fantastic. And LOUD. Heaven is going to be LOUD. There's lots of great stuff in Revelation (and other places) about the worship in heaven - like falling down, shouting, trumpets, etc. Like I said - loud.

It makes me think of how sometimes in our church gatherings we are uncomfortable with outward expressions, and are concerned (rightly) about chaos in our meetings and having orderly worship. But I think the difference in heaven, though it probably sounded quite chaotic, was that there was a unity of purpose in all the difference of expression. Their purpose was to glorify the King, and to ascribe greatness to Him who is worthy of all honour. I can imagine that with such a unified purpose in their hearts, everyone in heaven might not really have noticed that someone beside them was doing something quite different than they were. I know that's just my imagination, but can you imagine being so engrossed in worshipping the King that you don't really notice what the guy beside you is doing, except that he is also worshipping the King to the utmost?

Let Your Kingdom come, Lord.
Let Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Amen.

'And the four living creatures, each one of them having six wings, are full of eyes around and within; and day and night they do not cease to say, "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God, the Almighty, who was and who is and who is to come." And when the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to Him who sits on the throne, to Him who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders will fall down before Him who sits on the throne, and will worship Him who lives forever and ever, and will cast their crowns before the throne, saying, "Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created." (Revelation 4:8-11)

After these things I heard something like a loud voice of a great multitude in heaven, saying, "Hallelujah! Salvation and glory and power belong to our God; because His judgments are true and righteous; for He has judged the great harlot who was corrupting the earth with her immorality, and He has avenged the blood of His bond-servants on her." And a second time they said, "Hallelujah! Her smoke rises up forever and ever." And the twenty-four elders and the four living creatures fell down and worshiped God who sits on the throne saying, "Amen Hallelujah!" And a voice came from the throne, saying, "Give praise to our God, all you His bond-servants, you who fear Him, the small and the great." Then I heard something like the voice of a great multitude and like the sound of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, saying, "Hallelujah! For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns. (Revelation 19:1-6)

(Refer to the post below to get this - I just noticed the time.....)

I'm sitting here at the moment working on my preach for tonight's Re:Fuge (youth and young adults' service) and noticed that my laptop battery is charged to 33%. I noticed it on it's way down, too - when it was being used up and only had 33% left, about an hour ago. (Sounds like I'm really into the preach, eh?) Is it odd that those were the only two times I noticed the battery charge?

That number (well, actually usually the number 333) comes up a lot. It is almost like God is continually reminding me that He is faithful to all His promises.

Jeremiah 33:3 says, "'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'" God is faithful - faithful to answer when called upon, every time. Faithful to call us sons of God and share with us great things and knowledge. Crazy.

What is also crazy is how many times this reminder comes up in my life, for example:

When setting the time on my DVD player (yes, I know how to do that), the TV told me it was 3:33. When driving with some friends the other day, I happened to glance at the CD player, and the track it was playing had been going for 3 minutes and 33 seconds. When leaving a tip at a restaurant a while back, I (for once) threw down the total on the Visa slip and backed out what the tip would then be - you guessed it, $3.33. Often, when driving my car, I will glance at the clock as it reads 3:33pm.

When a gentleman wants to remind his lady that he loves her, he might send her flowers. God reminds me that He is faithful by popping up that little number quite regularly. It's almost crazy. And it's completely comforting.

'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' (Jeremiah 33:3)

One of my "kids" (youth at the church) has a great blog just now about bearing fruit - check it out, it's got some deep thoughts:

Brent's Blog (July 26, 2005)

I was thinking again last night about hypocracy and where it hides in my own life, and how and where these things could be irradicated. I have noticed in my own life a desire to teach with passion and enthusiasm certain revelations that I may have received, and afterwards noticing that at times I am still working towards that revelation being deeply manifested within my own life and beliefs and actions. It often requires going over that same ground again and again and again, until I have really learned it deep within my spirit and it simply comes through my very breath and the pores of my skin.

If God is teaching me patience, and I'm really frustrated with it, have I really learned the lesson yet? If God is teaching me humility, and I'm angry that others don't see the good in me, have I really learned the lesson yet? If I preach that all God's promises are true and He will never fail me, and I'm constantly in despair and despressed about my life, have I really learned the lesson yet?

I pray that all the lessons we receive from the Lord - through the scriptures, His voice, and our daily circumstances - will be lessons that go so deep that we cannot fail but have them be an integral part of our character and knowledge of Him. I pray we would let them go deep as we examine our own lives to be sure we are representing the King and all His glory in the best way possible.

You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. (James 2:22)

My neighbours have a Jack Russell Terrier. He's very young - less than a year old.

I have a cat. She's very old, and mellow.

Can you tell where this combination is going? Just now I met my neighbour in the hallway, preparing to take her very hyper dog for a walk, and thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be funny to let Apollo meet the kitty one day, just for kicks?" Now, before you report me to the SPCA for excessive cruelty to animals, rest assured that my cat has met dogs before and been fairly indifferent. But since Apollo is so....animated....and Tabitha is so....NOT, it sounded like an interesting experiment.

Well, we decided to let today be the day. We took the dog inside my place and carefully let him meet the cat (hanging on to his leash for dear life so that he didn't actually eat the cat). Once the cat figured out what was going on (we did wake her up, after all, she was a little groggy), she immediately got up and went straight up to Apollo and sniffed him and meowed at him in a fairly friendly way. No hissing, no fear, no nothing!! What a surprise!! I expected with a dog this hyper and excited that she would at least keep her distance while trying to figure out what was going on. Nope. She truly impressed me. And Apollo was overjoyed. (Though to be frank, it was hard to tell by any difference in his behaviour. His mode of expression is fairly monothematic.)

It reminded me though, when I sat down for a second and thought about it, that these surprises can hold true for the model of discipleship as well. Many times I am somewhat concerned about releasing someone under my 'care' to be mobilized in ministry. Are they ready? Are they spiritually mature enough? What if they mess up and hurt people? What if they get hurt? But I think that many people will surprise us when they are given an opportunity to be in ministry, and the truth is that we can accomplish anything through the power of Christ that is within us. Hey, look at the disciples. For three years, they barely understood anything Jesus was telling them, but when the power of the Spirit fell upon them, there was no stopping them. For that matter, look at me! I am broken and sinful by nature and God still has the ability to use me as a weapon in his armory even when I have been - and still sometimes am - less than whole.

Surprising. But also very cool.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

I was chatting with a friend of mine yesterday about having an attitude of thankfulness. Isn't it true that we are raised in a culture that counts it a positive character trait to "never have enough"? Never enough money, never enough status, never enough 'toys', never enough time off work, never enough....

Do we fall into this as believers? Individually, yes, I truly believe we do. We often fall into what my friend called the "prayer request mentality," where we spend most of prayer time requesting things of God, not being satisfied with the status quo in our churches, our lives, our families. Never enough.... Yes, it's true we are to pray for many things - God tells us to ask for the things that are according to His will, but I think we should at the same time cultivate an attitude of thankfulness, so that our hearts are filled with gratefulness every hour of the day for everything with which God has blessed us. There is so much!! And as we do this, I think we will not only be happier because of recognizing everything good He has bestowed on us, but I think we will trust Him more as we consciously remind ourselves of how He has already been faithful.

It's true that there is never enough - never enough praise, never enough trust, never enough thanksgiving. There couldn't possibly ever be enough, considering the One to whom we are relaying all these things. Never enough....

Let's be sure to cultivate attitudes of thankfulness.

Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude. (Colossians 2:6-7)

I was chatting with the kids at our youth and young adult service tonight about humility, and somehow that got on to the topic of God being our defense instead of we ourselves being our own defense. It's a pretty counter-culture idea, actually, but the church is called to be counter-culture. It came up in our discussions about humility because if we are truly humble - placing ourselves in a position lower than God - then we follow His words and His guidance in everything, never seeking to replace His wisdom with what we like to call our own. And we also believe in His promises, like where He promises to be our defense.

In Isaiah 50 (and other places), God clearly tells us that He will defend us, and that when we defend ourselves, we are in for it! We just can't do it, we will simply create a bigger mess. (We all agreed tonight that we have seen this in action in our own lives....sad, but true....) So knowing this, I wonder why we feel it so necessary to defend ourselves. If you have an inclination to be a little hot-headed like me, you will shoot for the jugular in your own defense before even realizing that you've done it. I pray that I will continue to learn where to rest in God's promise to be my defense (even if I don't see that defense in action right away) and remember that I don't need to defend myself when I feel wronged or mistreated in some way. Really, when you look at the scripture's promises that are so clear, it comes down to whether I really believe that what God says, He will actually do for me.

'Thus says the LORD, "Where is the certificate of divorce by which I have sent your mother away? Or to whom of My creditors did I sell you? Behold, you were sold for your iniquities, and for your transgressions your mother was sent away. Why was there no man when I came? When I called, why was there none to answer? Is My hand so short that it cannot ransom? Or have I no power to deliver? Behold, I dry up the sea with My rebuke, I make the rivers a wilderness; the fish stink for lack of water and die of thirst. I clothe the heavens with blackness and make sackcloth their covering." The Lord GOD has given Me the tongue of disciples, that I may know how to sustain the weary one with a word. He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear to listen as a disciple. The Lord GOD has opened My ear; and I was not disobedient nor did I turn back. I gave My back to those who strike Me, and My cheeks to those who pluck out the beard; I did not cover My face from humiliation and spitting. For the Lord GOD helps Me, therefore, I am not disgraced; therefore, I have set My face like flint, and I know that I will not be ashamed. He who vindicates Me is near; who will contend with Me? Let us stand up to each other; who has a case against Me? Let him draw near to Me. Behold, the Lord GOD helps Me; who is he who condemns Me? Behold, they will all wear out like a garment; the moth will eat them. Who is among you that fears the LORD, that obeys the voice of His servant, that walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God. Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who encircle yourselves with firebrands, walk in the light of your fire and among the brands you have set ablaze; this you will have from My hand: You will lie down in torment. (Isaiah 50)

This idea of reformation will not go away - it is stuck in my head. The need for it within the bride of Christ is so apparent that it screams at me every time I think of it, which is very often.

Today I have been looking at some of the history of reformers within the church - John Knox, John Wesley, Martin Luther, etc. These men were all passionate about what they saw as wrong in the church - sin, corruption, misguidance, and anti-Biblical ideas, teachings and practices. But what I find they were not looking to do was start yet another denomination - they were looking for a way to purify the church and see her presented before the Lord in the way she was intended.

There is a danger in reformation - that it creates simply more splits in the church. It also creates heroes and enemies, because in some sad way it is what we as humans seem to need in our lives. I long for reformation in the church, but I also long for it to be a reformation like one that has never happened before - one that will bring us as the bride of Christ together in unity to really understand who God is so that we may fall at His feet in worship. One that has only one hero - Jesus Christ, and one enemy - the enemy of the faith, Satan, and his dominion of darkness. That it would be a reformation that really understands love but is also militant about truth, and above all that it would be a reformation that really understands how to execute the worship that the Lord is seeking - worship in spirit, worship in truth, worship that encorporates justice and the things that God desires, worship that is described in every page of the Bible.

I am very often seriously grieved at the enmity that the church has against itself. Denominations war against each other, people in the same congregation can't get along, and woe to your pastor if you disagree with something he or she says, or he or she does something you don't like, because too often it will result in bitterness, back-biting and the taking of sides.

Where is this in the Word? Rick Joyner in his book The Final Quest talks about how the last battle on earth will be seen by many to be the "great Christian civil war." No doubt. The enemy of the faith has sowed deep-rooted seeds into the church, and we have fallen for them hook, line and sinker. Somehow to be a believer who desires to be full of integrity gets you laughed at as a goody-goody. What?!?!? How is that possible? How can it be that longing, out of love, to follow the things that God has laid before us makes us a laughing stock? It should never be so. We should instead support each other, exhort each other, serve each other with diligence and passion, and remember the things God has asked of us. When we don't, it's no wonder that we as a church are called hypocrites - we can't even get along within our own ranks.

We need to be radical believers - ones who know the Word, and follow it passionately. We need to be devoted to one another in brotherly love, praying for each other, supporting each other, sharpening each other, challenging each other, but above all loving each other. We need to be in the world, serving humanity and bringing Jesus' love and message to every person with whom we have contact each day. But let's remember that many of those people we have contact with in a day are fellow members of the church, and there is absolutely no excuse for treating them as less than important simply because they have already heard the gospel or are "family." What a terrible, perverse idea.

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honour; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. (Romans 12:9-18)

Do you ever get exhausted in doing the things that the Lord has asked of us? I don't mean the character things - the desire to align our character with the character of Christ. I mean the actual physical things that He has called us to do - feed the hungry, take care of the poor, befriend the friendless, exalt His name to the utmost and spread His love and gospel to the ends of the earth. Is there a place where we can wear ourselves out doing these things? Should we? Shouldn't we?

These questions come up this weekend because, to be very honest, I'm tired. Not tired as in, "I'm tired of doing these things." I'm not weary of it. I'm actually tired because I love doing it and have therefore been doing it a lot. I'm just plain old I-could-sleep-for-a-week tired.

So where is that place where we recognize that 'this is as much as I can do in a week,' or something like that? I have been struggling with this for a year and half - ever since I was released to be in full-time service as a pastor - and the Lord recently gave me some strategy on it. (OK, though to be honest, I'm still learning how to actually do the strategy that He gave me.....)

He told me that I was looking for a scheduling strategy, and I was. I'm at heart an admin chick - I like to be organized, I hate being late, and I was looking for some sort of schedule that would allow the most work for Him to be done while still keeping me rested and having time alone with God.

It's been a year and a half - I'm still looking.

God told me a few months ago that though I was looking for a scheduling strategy, He was giving me an intimacy stragegy. To continually ask Him whether I should say yes or no to doing something - to ask Him if I should pray over someone, or lead worship at this event, or call this friend. Does that seem overly simple? Maybe, but do we do it? I don't think so. I would love to meet and mentor under the person who in every aspect of their life seeks the Lord about whether to go left or right, forward or backward.

I think many times in our lives we minister to people because there is a need, and also because this is what we have been called to do. Well, we are here to minister, but I think the point is that we are servants of the Most High God - to be released at his bidding. I think if we really listen for His leading in everything, then He will not let us get so exhausted that we need to lie on the couch for three days at a time! Even Israel was not allowed to move in the desert until the pillar of cloud or fire moved. The concept of "shift work" also comes to mind - we don't personally have to do it all - we are members of a body, each with specific gifts. What I can't do, I pray someone else will be released to do, and when I must rest, someone else will take up the standard and forge ahead. Geese do this when they fly - they are in a "V" formation, with the leader at the point of the "V." But when that leader gets tired, he or she moves to the back of the formation, where the work of those at the front is making flight for those at the back easier. They rotate and they rest.

God calls us to work hard, but He also calls us to rest. And I think many times we feel guilty when we do this, but isn't guilt a tool of the enemy? And if we worked ourselves so ragged that we were no use to anyone, how would that ultimately bring glory to God? And perhaps rest is not so much being able to sleep in as resting in the presence of the Lord, and letting Him renew, refresh and LEAD us into or out of every situation. He is, after all, a prettty good shepherd.

Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left. (Isaiah 30:21)

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. For though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (Psalm 23)

I was at the first session of the Extreme Prophetic conference last night, and afterwards gathered at a couple of friends' house to spend some time with a bunch of people from downtown Vancouver. As often happens at these gatherings, we went around in a circle and shared what our high point of the evening was. Somehow I didn't end up having to share at that time, and it only occurred to me as I was driving home later that the high point of my evening was spending time with these friends and laughing and talking about our high points (among other things)!

What a blessing it is to be in community - to have others who choose to love you and walk beside you, who you can laugh with and at times even cry with. Healthy community, too - community who will support but also exhort, community that will love but not enable.

I really, really enjoyed the evening. Thanks, Lord.

I haven't much on my heart to say tonight.....my sister-in-law jokingly told me last week that she thought I was deeper than she because I can think of something different to say every day. Well, so much for that theory....used all my good stuff up within about two weeks. Thanks, though, Steph - I'll hang on to that compliment!

So since there is nothing burning in my heart that I feel I have to share tonight, I'll share instead the lyrics to a new song I wrote a couple of weeks ago. A friend and brother in Christ has in the not-too-far past exhorted me in the name of the Lord to share the music that He gives, so here it is. May God receive all glory.


GREAT AND HOLY

May the parts of me I have given You
Grow and swell until they fuse and bind
And my offering shall be one and whole
Until You have all of me
Until You have all of me

Great and holy are You, God, are You, God
Great and holy are You, God, are You, God

May I not grow used to Your righteousness
May I understand through Your worthiness
That my broken words cannot be enough
Until You have all of me
Until You have all of me

Great and holy are You, God, are You, God
Great and holy are You, God, are You, God

May I lose myself in Your greatness, Lord
Until all I speak are silent words of praise
And the offering becomes a fragrance sweet
Until You have all of me
Until You have all of me

Great and holy are You, God, are You, God
Great and holy are You, God, are You, God


"Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created." (Revelation 4:11)

God is totally into restoration. He restores lives, bodies, emotions, relationships, and even communities and nations. God is into restoration.

Yesterday two of my friends brought someone to our prayer meeting whom they thought I should meet, since he is also in youth ministry up the road in our community. Little did they know (actually, it took even the two of us a while to figure this out) that we already knew each other! This passionate, worshipping, friendly, and apparently happy and peace-filled guy was once a student of mine when I taught high school. And I don't remember him being many of those things back then.

I remember pain in his life. I remember heart-ache. I remember a lot of anger. I remember rebellion. I do also remember some good chats and a lot of potential in him, but at the same time I remember a lot of brokenness.

And now I can't wait to hear what's been happening in the last 7 years, because part of the story now obviously includes restoration - to the heart of God, to the church, and to wholeness. God is so great - worthy of all our praise because He IS good, and His love really does endure forever.

In a way this former student's showing up again at this time is also a piece of God's restoration in me. Leaving the teaching profession four years ago was due to a painful experience, and having the first words from this fellow's mouth when he figured out I was "Miss Baker" be words of blessing about that time was incredibly encouraging to me. God is into restoration.

Praise the Lord that He glorifies Himself through even our brokenness and our pain, and that He is always capable of creating something truly beautiful and useful out of pain and hardship.

Frilly.

One word - that's all it takes to describe my apartment. Frilly. In slightly more than one word, you could describe it as "Grandma's Place." Probably not a flattering description for someone with no kids and no possibility of being anywhere near old enough to be a grandma.

You see, I like antiques. I like antique furniture and antique knick-knacks and antique styles. Victorian is my favourite, closely followed by Edwardian (at least for furniture). I love things with a story behind them - the fact that someone else owned a piece of furniture or wrote in an old Bible is fascinating to me.

Someone coming to my place for the first time is often quite shocked, though that always surprises me. Perhaps it's because I have a nose-ring, ever-changing weird hair colours and I don't wear a lot of lace or a corset (whew!). But even with that being what I look like - I have a frilly apartment. I changed my furniture around this past weekend and, if at all possible, it got more frilly. (I seriously can't figure out how .... it boggles the mind).

Occasionally it concerns me, this frilly fetish that I have developed. I sometimes worry that when people come to my place they will be uncomfortable, though who could be uncomfortable at Grandma's place?!? I have a friend named Dan who is a body builder - big guy, nicest guy you'll ever meet - and the first time he came and sat on my frilly white Victorian couches and drank coffee out of a pink mug (oh yes) and used a coaster with flowers on it that was placed on a carved-legged table with a doily on it, I wanted to redecorate. It looked off somehow, and he looked uncomfortable.

Now, his discomfort was probably my own perception and not really reality, but it struck me that we often do this in life - we gauge our own worth and acceptability against the reactions of others, or worse yet, the perceived reactions of others. There is something in the way that God uniquely created me that enjoys the beauty of ornate furniture that is made of real wood and has been loved and cared for by people for decades before it came to me. I don't really know why that is who I am, but I hope and pray that I don't choose to hide that for fear of what others may think of me. The truth is that I am rather a girly-girl at heart (OK, I could have left out "rather") and it is totally OK that this is who I am.

It's also OK to be the one that God made you to be - the gifts and talents and loves. It's not OK to be satisfied with the brokenness or the sin in your life - that is not God's abundance being lived out, and it will not bring His name glory. But God loves the person that I am, and it's totally OK for me to be that person that God designed - frilly and all.

And if I ever marry someone who has a passion for IKEA furniture, it will be OK for him to be who he is. But I think you'd better pray for us....

I'm struggling this morning with the concept of fellowship. I understand the verse in Proverbs 27:17 that says that our fellowshipping with each other is like iron sharpening iron. Or perhaps it's better to say that it should be.

Where is that line that says, "We are no longer spurring one another on to seek and trust God, we are instead allowing that person to rely on us instead of on God." Where do we recognize that someone is leaning too much on us as other humans and not trusting that God will do every single thing He has promised in the scriptures? Where does the line get crossed from us being Jesus for that person to us just attempting to be Jesus? Is there even a line?

My heart tells me that there is a line - a line that can be crossed into someone relying on us instead of on God. My Bible tells me that God wants to be everything for us, and that He is more than capable. I am not capable of being that person. (Translation: I am not capable of being God. Praise the Lord.)

I think we need to be careful in the way we fellowship, especially if we are in spiritual leadership within the church (as many, many of us are, even if we don't wear the title "pastor"). Fellowship is intended to encourage each other to seek after God. Yes, we should pray for each other - that's what we're supposed to do - so that we can see God's glorious power at work in our lives as He answers those prayers. Yes, we should be devoted to one another - so that we can be encouraged as we continue to run after God. But it should all be with the view in mind of exalting God's name and His power in our lives. If we mistakenly, out of a desire to love, allow someone to seek after us and our strength and wisdom, I think we should be afraid. I don't know about you, but I know that my shoulders are nowhere near strong enough nor broad enough.

I love the people I'm in fellowship with - a great deal. And often that love is exuded in a very motherly, tender way, with a desire to be compassionate for their circumstances. But I think I am often wrong. But when I look at Jesus, and the way He dealt with His disciples, He was more concerned about their growth than that they were coddled. When Peter walked on water and then fell in, Jesus' words were not, "Oh, good job - you tried. Sorry that didn't work out, I'm sure you'll do better next time." His words were, "Oh, you of little faith!" It was exhortation to rely more on God - and I believe a big part of that is because Jesus knew what Peter had in front of him to face.

So what's my point? It is that we should not do our brothers and sisters a disservice by allowing our love for them to become mushy and weak - let it instead love them enough to push them towards the face of God, every time.

May God be glorified through our fellowship as HE ALONE strengthens us to complete the work He has given us.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17)

"Peter said to Him, 'Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.' And He said, 'Come!' And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, 'Lord, save me!' Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, 'You of little faith, why did you doubt?'" (Matthew 14:28-31)

"'Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.'" (Matthew 11:28-30)

OK, this is not an apocalyptic post, though the title may suggest otherwise. Rather it is a reminder that we must be ready for the things we pray for (that align with God's will) as well as being ready for the things that God has promised.

Tonight, at our evening worship gathering, we had somewhere around 40 kids - all ages. Not bad for a congregation that barely doubles that, especially during the summer. Four years ago, God told us that we would have all these kids from the neighbourhood. Tonight they came in droves! Praise the Lord! It freaked us out! Our workers are few, and the harvest is great. But this is the way that God glorifies His name - it is only through His guidance and strength that we will be faithful and even able to minister where He has called us and to the kids He has given us. It's good to remember that He not only called us to these kids, He promised us these kids. Done deal. It is His work and His glory.

It's been a good reminder in my life, too, that the promises that God has made (and some of them were made years ago) are still what's coming, and it's good to be ready and to continue to be expecting them. God is ever faithful.

"Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass." (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24)

I feel, lately, like we're only scratching the surface of the truth of God's worship and what it entails - what it should look like, not physically, but rather as a whole. The church for the last 10 - 20 years has been in what many term a "worship revival" and in many ways this is true, but have we reached a plateau? Have we come a certain distance in our journey to really discovering worship that God would like to receive and feel like we've arrived? I feel, at the moment, like a small child who sits in the back seat of the big-ole family car and asks periodically, "Are we there yet?" Sometimes the length of the travel to date makes it feel like we must already be there.

But I don't believe we are - not even close.

While God's name is still used as our reasons for doing things when He is not really the reason, we have road to travel. While our congregations still bicker about what they prefer in musical worship, we have road to travel. While our motives for worshipping God through serving others still contain an element of selfishness, we have road to travel. While we gather corporately for "worship" and complain that we haven't received anything, we have road to travel. While we do things by rote because they have always been done that way in the church, we have road to travel.

Oh merciful God, help us to really see and understand Your greatness and Your mercy towards us, so that we, too, may fall down as though dead and worship You in the way You deserve.


Huh - as I re-read that last part of this post, it reminds me of something William Booth (founder of The Salvation Army) is famous for saying. I'm not one to often quote Willam Booth (uh, until yesterday), but this is something He said:

While women weep, as they do now, I'll fight; while little children go hungry, as they do now, I'll fight; while men go to prison, in and out, in and out, as they do now, I'll fight; while there is a drunkard left, while there is a poor lost girl upon the streets, while there remains one dark soul without the light of God, I'll fight-I'll fight to the very end!

Amen - let's fight for God's glory in every way possible.

Here are a couple of good thoughts on worship (some are especially for worship leaders):

"A heart in love with Jesus does not need its favorite song, led in its favorite key by its favorite worship leader to lose itself in the arms of God. A heart in love with God needs one thing: God."
- Jami Smith (Worship Leader)

"You will never take a congregation publicly where you have not gone privately."
- Unknown

"The greatness of a man's power is the measure of his surrender."
- William Booth (Founder of The Salvation Army)

"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell."
- C. S. Lewis (Author)


No matter where we are, what we believe or how we view Him, God's worthiness to be worshipped never changes....
Praise the Lord.

I think my cat is brain dead.

What else do you call it when an animal sits and stares at the wall endlessly for no apparent reason? Some people may answer that question with: "You call it a cat!" Maybe she thought the wall was going to move? If a human did that, I would suggest detox, but truly, my cat is clean - kicked the catnip habit years ago (it only put her to sleep anyway....)

But seriously - brain dead.

One night not long ago I had people over for dinner, and she chose that night to walk in circles around the apartment. I had to tell people she was in training and just doing her "laps". Last night she listened to me calling her forever after I had turned the lights out, only to discover when I finally turned them on to see what happened to her that she had been sitting beside the bed the whole time, just looking at me. Not only brain dead but also, in that case, a little creepy. (Perhaps there's a lesson in there for me too that I shouldn't be calling the cat forever after I've turned the lights out OR be concerned about where she could be in a one-bedroom apartment....) Last week she chewed on one of my plants, and wasn't wise enough to let me remain in the assumption that I might have knocked it over myself, because she took the opportunity to chew on it 10 minutes later....

Some other reasons I have for the brain dead diagnosis:

The fact that she won't eat food that has fallen out of her bowl onto the mat - I think she thinks it's beneath her.
The fact that she won't eat food that has fallen out of her mouth (yes, you read that right) while she was chewing.
The fact that food actually falls out of her mouth while she chews.
The fact that when "meeting" a new friend and rubbing her face on their feet (awww.....) she then turns around and occassionally chews on the feet. (I'm noticing that she has lots of chewing issues....)

Totally brain dead. Ah well, truth be told, I love her, and though I know that more than one of my friends (Darren Hailes and Lance Rourke!) are itching to come and help me "deal" with the problem, neither will ever get in close enough range to have a clear shot.

And what, you may ask, is the deep theological meaning behind this post? I could likely find a parallel, but would rather leave you with the mental image you've already created of my cat wandering around the apartment like an idiot with her eyes crossed, randomly chewing on things..... Sometimes it's good just to laugh.

I realized after writing the blog below that I am VERY passionate about seeing God worshipped the way He deserves. OK, as you all know, that's not when I realized this, but if you've never heard it from me before, where have you been?

As I went to rehearsal tonight and talked more about this subject with the worship band, it occurred to me that what I really want to do is take over the world for Jesus. That's not over the top, is it? Shouldn't be too hard anyway, because my friends Stephen and Danielle have made the same decision, and have a 20-year plan set up for its implementation. No sweat.

So if you can't find us in a few years, we're well on the way, only with God's grace.....

(Catch their blog at www.armybarmy.com/blog.html)

Here's an interesting piece from a comment my mom left on a previous post about emerging worship:

"...Does anyone minister TO God these days?"

Whoa - does that hit anybody as hard as it hit me? Have we become a church that is more known for the quality of our music, funny preachers and the desire for "more numbers" than with the amazing Being that we are in communion with?

In the times of the Israelites, there was a whole tribe from that nation whose duty it was to minister to God - the Levites - the priests of God. Not that others didn't minister to the Lord - in fact, they were all called to be set aside as God's chosen people - but an entire tribe of people whose job it was to worship God! How great is that? And even better, WE are called to be set apart and be that holy priesthood for God's pleasure (1 Peter 2:9)

So where do we fall down on that? Well, for one, we too often measure success the same way that the world does, but we are called to be set apart and not of this world - not holding tightly to the same plumb lines that it has, because in the eyes of God, they are not straight. Why do we worry so much about the numbers in our churches? Should we not instead be focused on the growth of our characters, our discipleship and the fruit that is resulting from these things? And while much of that fruit may result in numbers in our congregation increasing, our chasing numbers is starting at the wrong end and somehow expecting that if our numbers increase we're doing something right in the eyes of God. From what I've seen and experienced, I would imagine that when numbers radically increase in a congregation, many times it is because believers are coming from another congregation, instead of new converts being ushered into the Kingdom of God. If your experience has been different, praise the Lord.

I sometimes feel that we as the Christian church are not so dissimilar to ancient Israel in that when God called us and said He'd look after us and lead us, we complained that we "didn't have a King like all the other nations." And to be clear, I'm not ranting against the church - I am part of the church, and as such have been and am just as guilty as anyone - I am rather grieving that we have come so far from what we were intended to be, which is worshippers and proclaimers of God's great name and glory.

We need to get back to seeking God as our guide, and also as the only One truly worthy of our pursuit. We need to remember that God does not work the way the world does - He is far smarter (1 Corinthians 3:19). We need to remember that God does not work the way even we think He should - He's still smarter.....

We really, really need to remember that God is intended to be our focus when we rise each morning and when we speak and when we gather together and even when we breathe. And it is not because we HAVE to, but because HE DESERVES IT - the more of Him we see and know, the more we must realize that He is infinite and we are tiny, only exalted through His own pleasure and power.

Our worship - not just our music, but our devotion, love and obedience - are all a result of the revelation we have had of God. Do you ever feel like you haven't had any revelations of Him? They are everywhere - in this world that He created, in His presence, and most especially in the book that He inspired - the Bible. Seek out His character in those pages. He is AWESOME. Truly, in every sense of that word - He will fill us all with awe.

And then, I pray, when we understand that we have been created BY Him and FOR His pleasure, we will take every ounce of our strength and time to minister TO Him, both in our worship gatherings, and every moment of our lives.

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were not a people, but now you are the people of God; you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy." (1 Peter 2:9-10)

"For the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God For it is written, 'He is the One who catches the wise in their craftiness....'" (1 Corinthians 3:19)

"Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created." (Revelation 4:11)

I've decided I want to be more like Jesus.

Not a new decision, nor an original one. I got thinking today about Jesus on the cross and all the torture and shame and even physical pain he endured wordlessly. And he not only forgave, but asked for mercy from the Father for His murderers. I sometimes have trouble forgiving when someone sends me an e-mail that hurts my feelings.

Actually, that's only partly true. I can easily forgive someone when they ask for forgiveness - I have no problem with that. It's when people don't ask or see the need to ask that I find it hard to let go of what happened or what was said. Why is that?

Last night I was supposed to hook up with a friend of mine for dinner and to run an errand. He said he'd call through the day, but when the clock hit 4:00pm I started to wonder. Then 4:30, 5:00, 5:30..... And to be honest by 6:00 I was both hungry and getting a little ticked off. By 6:30 it finally occurred to me that something bad might have happened to him, so instead of being ticked off I changed to worried, called some friends who live in his building, who confirmed he probably just forgot, and went back to a little ticked off (though relieved that nothing had happened). At 7:00 when someone else phoned with an offer for the evening, I went out with them instead (having eaten for my dinner part of the loaf of bread that I thoughtfully baked for him and his roommates - hope he doesn't read this, because I didn't feel it necessary to rub that in last night to make him feel bad.....). He did finally phone at 8:00, and was profuse in his apologies (and had an excuse). So after being ticked off for, well, let's be honest, about four hours, I instantly forgave him. No sweat - done! But I know myself and know that if his end of the conversation had been different, I imagine so would my reaction have been.

I want to be more like Jesus.

I want to be able to forgive people when they do thoughtless things. I want to be able to forgive people when they do deliberately hurtful things. I want to be able to forgive people when they don't ask for or even want my forgiveness. I want to be so full of love for others and so emptied of my own self-importance that it doesn't even occur to me to be upset when situations like last night happen.

More of Jesus. Less of me. Hopefully someday soon. Until then, lessons are learned every day.....


"He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30

I'm not sure I get this worship thing. Probably not a good revelation, considering I'm a worship pastor. How is it that when we really come before God with attitudes of worship, seeking only to lift His name higher and spread His fame, we come away feeling so good ourselves? No wonder we argue as a church so much about the music we "like to worship to" and we have become "connoisseurs" of worship - "I didn't like that service" or "I didn't get anything out of that." It is completely not about us - but then somehow, when we really make it not about us, it's when we receive the most elation from our time with God. Perhaps because His Spirit is then the most present? He does inhabit the praises of His people (Psalm 22:3). Hmmm..... The question then becomes how do we retain the purity of our original hearts of worship, knowing that the purer we worship Him, the more we will see Him and sense Him. How does it then not get turned around and become about us? Oh, I know - focus again on Him - His face, His heart, His person, His glory. I'm pretty sure when we really look at God, our only response is going to be to fall down and worship. Guess that's what's called "worshipping in truth" (John 4:23-24).

"Yet You are holy, O You who are enthroned upon the praises of Israel." (Psalm 22:3)

"But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth." (John 4:23-24)

I have been thinking this weekend about the Salvation Army uniform. I wear mine once a month, when heading to the care centre that my corps does a service at each month. I got thinking more this month, however, about the way to wear the uniform. I see so many people who choose to wear it, but also choose to disregard so many of the rules and regulations attached to its wearing. Shorts instead of pants, runners, not done up to the neck, hair down, earrings in and nails brightly painted. Am I becoming religious? I have to admit these things kind of tick me off a little (not that I ever comment on them, as I don't yet trust my tongue or my motives) - if you're going to wear the uniform, let's wear it right! Otherwise, it's not really "uniform", is it?

What got me thinking more about this just this weekend was that I had to go out and buy a retainer for my nose piercing - a small, clear glass piece of jewelry that sits in the piercing hole and is almost imperceptable. Has to be done, because facial jewelry is not allowed with the uniform, and we were heading to the nursing home this afternoon.

So I am asking myself, why did I do that? Not because someone told me I had to (if you've never met me, telling me to do something "just because" is a great way to get me to rebel. If you've met me once you probably know this already.....). I think, really, it was done because I have a desire to live with integrity. I have a desire to have my words say, "I will wear the uniform even to the detriment of what I feel looks good" and have my actions back that up. I have a desire to be obedient, even when I don't agree - if I really disagreed more than just found things inconvenient or lacking cultural beauty, then I wouldn't wear the uniform at all, I would rather address the issues I had a problem with.

I suppose this is the same in many parts of our lives - even our lives as believers. Why do we follow the "rules and regulations" in the Bible? Just because someone said so? Well, actually, yes, but the truth is that we have come to know the person who is giving the commands, and trust Him, and want to please Him. There is a relationship there - one that is of great value and that is built on trust and a foundation of deep love. If someone I loved very much and trusted said, "Bakes, jump off that bridge, it will be alright" I might just do that (and get therapy later). But if someone said, "Karyn" (you already know that they don't know me, because they called me by my first name) "jump off that bridge" I would question why and what were their motives and could I trust them.

God's motives are already proven - He LOVES us and wants so many good things for us, as well as to magnify His own name. But God is not selfish even in that desire. So when God tells me to do something odd, I'll do it. And if my wearing a glass nose ring can prove to God that I choose obedience to Him rather than rebellion in my heart, then so be it! I realize that wearing my uniform properly might look more like obedience to the Salvation Army than to God, but I care about walking with integrity before Him who sees everything and knows every heart. I care about the relationship that we have been building and not about the religiosity of the rules. And if others think they see that I am religious, then I pray that I will let God be my defense and not worry about that.

Again, if you've never met me, that's something I'm still working on.....definitely a future blog topic.....

I was messing around with pictures of my ancestors today and realized that in one picture of my great-grandmother, Grace Baker, she is sitting reading her bible. That makes me wonder how many of my family from generations back I will meet on the day we all sit down to the supper of the Lamb. And it spurs me on to work and pray all that much harder for those of my family who are alive and still don't want anything to do with Jesus.

I am encouraged when I think of my own beloved grandfather, William Wallace Smith, who decided to walk with Jesus when he was 86 years old, a bare 3 years before going to meet Jesus Himself. I know that God heard the 30 years of our prayers for him.

May the Lord add to the number of His bride even out of our own families - not because they are our 'projects', but because they are dearly loved.